Pumpkin Carving 2009: EPIC FAIL

Pirate and I celebrated Halloween together with a horror-movie-a-thon. I was surprised when he suggested carving a pumpkin. Suggesting this very common Halloween tradition may not seem like a big deal, but that’s because you do not know the deep rooted emotionlessness of a Pirate. Did I mention that Pirates don’t have a bone of …

Swamp Water.

It’s undeniably evident that there is something peculiar about the water up here, even disregarding the yellow foam that encircles the puddle on our front lawnchair. General observations. First there is the unique driving practices of Fort McMurray people–murderous kamikaze pilots on the highway, elderly folk on valium in the city. Then there is the …

My Kids.

The time has come when I must move on to the next phase of my life and leave my kids behind. Some formal words to ease my heartache…. Chubchub I don’t worry about you as much as I worry about Dudes. I know you are content simply eating, grooming, and subjecting people to the abrasive …

Divas Mourn.

Chub Chub collapses in agony at hearing the news that diva extraordinaire, Lil Kim, has been convicted of perjury & conspiracy in connection to the 2001 shooting outside of Hot 97 radio station.