Pet Ownership Guide (for Douche Bags)

Lets start out with some back story

Yesterday I received a disturbing email from my friend Twitch, who recently adopted-out a litter of five kittens, the offspring of her two cats, Meezer and Minnie.

The Family: photo courtesy of Twitch

Although Twitch was relieved to no longer have a five cat household, she seemed to have mixed emotions about sending them off to their new homes. She did, however, keep Bearface, one of the five kittens who my boyfriend proudly shares a name with.

Bearface: photo courtesy of Twitch

Yesterday Jacquie was on the Saskatoon SPCA's website and thought she recognized a kitten from her litter, Fat Kink, in the photos of cats for adoption. She called the SPCA and asked them to check if the kitten had a kink in it's tail. She was told that it didn't. She was sure this kitten was Fat Kink so she decided to go down to the SPCA herself with the intent to bring the kitten home if it were a positive ID.

When she arrived at the SPCA, she was told that the kitten has been euthanized on July 24th due to an upper respiratory infection.

The more we talked to this woman about the time line, it became clear that the kitten developed the URI more than 12 days after she had been picked up by animal control, which means she contracted that infection INSIDE the SPCA. Then, after 2 days of sniffles and sneezing, they KILLED her. Bearface took at least 3 days to get to her worst point and turn around. Any vet worth their weight in kitten fur should've known that it would take at least that long to see what was going to happen. Let me repeat: It wasn't even bad enough to need MEDICATION yet. They picked up a kitten, let it rot in their disgusting pound and then just f!cking killed this cat because they couldn't be bothered.

Fat Kink: photo courtesy of Twitch

Rest in peace, little Fat Kink.

You were little

But you had a fat kink

You were a buddy

But a human was a dink

Now you're in a better place

Now you're up there

Up there

Yes, kitty, way up there

So fly, Fat Kink, fly free

"The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated." - Mahatma Gandhi

My anger towards Kitty Auschwitz

This scenario of kittens being euthanized at the Saskatoon SPCA due to an "upper respiratory infection" is nothing new to me, and I mentioned my own personal experience in the email I just sent to the Saskatoon SPCA's Director and Adoptions department.

Right click on the screen print below and click "view image".

 

 

I understand that the SPCA isn't necessarily the big bad wolf here. They serve their purpose. They intervene when animals are being abused. And, of course, dropping animals off at an SPCA is a much better alternative than some other methods of disposal, like dropping animals off at the dump. The real issue is irresponsible pet ownership, and if irresponsible pet ownership wasn't such a commonality, then SPCAs such as the Saskatoon SPCA would probably not euthanize at all. However, I still believe something is terribly wrong with trigger happy "kill shelters", like the Saskatoon SPCA referring to themselves as a Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals.

Sure, these animals might survive long enough for someone to bust them out, but if the Animal Jew corrals become overpopulated, or if they have an ailment, or get sick within the concentration camp, which they most likely will, they will be taken to the kill room and euthanized.

Ironically, this is the place where the majority of people feel "morally at peace" dropping off animals they no longer want. However, there are a number of astronomically more positive alternatives to "kill SPCAs".

How to be mindful when dealing with unwanted animals

1) Find out if your local SPCA is a "kill" SPCA or a "no-kill" SPCA. The Fort McMurray SPCA is one example of a bitchin' "no kill" shelter. Our local SPCA here in Red Deer does euthanize, albeit minimally, and it seems as though they have made great strides over the years, which you can read about here. However, there are other shelters out there that are seemingly horrific, like the Toronto Humane Society. Bottom line, know your local SPCA: know who they are and the realities behind the services you are utilizing.

2) Is it possible to take initiative and find a good home for the animal yourself? Do you personally know someone who would be interested in offering the animal a good home? Do you know of a farm that would take the animal? What about advertising and seeing if someone would be interested in adopting?

• I know that Twitch is experiencing pangs of regret about the woman who took Fat Kink from her, so if you do decide to advertise to the public, have your spidey senses up in regards to those showing interest in adopting the animal and follow your gut. I don't think there is anything wrong with asking some basic questions regarding their lifestyle and sense of character. As someone who has gone through certified breeders, I know first hand this is something that reputable breeders always do with potential customers, and only because they care about their animals and don't want them to suffer unnecessarily. As an animal lover, this kind of care is something that I look for in breeders, as well. Just because an animal isn't a purebred or doesn't cost a ridiculous amount of money doesn't mean that it is not equally as valuable. It is a living being. If your gut tells you to turn someone away, do it.

Also, will the original owner or the breeder take the animal back to find a more suitable home? Many will, like Twitch. Most certified breeders urge people to do this if the adoption doesn't work out and will offer full monetary refunds.

3) Most importantly, there are a number of really great, "no kill", grassroots organizations run by people who sincerely care about healing animals and finding them "forever homes". For the love of God, please at least attempt to utilize these services, and if animals are important to you, support these organizations through word of mouth, donations, or volunteer efforts.

Since I've been discussing the Saskatoon SPCA, a few "no kill" alternatives in Saskatoon are: 

• Street Cat Rescue 
• New Hope Dog Rescue

Central Alberta has a number of great organizations that are fighting for the well being of domestic animals:

• Paws and Claws Animal Rescue
• Whisker Rescue

And one of my personal favorites,

• Rescue for Life

Things to consider before adopting a pet (to avoid being a douche bag):

1) A dog or cat should be perceived as an unexpendable member of the family. If you perceive animals to be solely a source of entertainment, something to make you feel yummy inside,  or a cute accessory to have around the house, do not adopt a pet. Pets, especially young pets, will sometimes wreck your things, will demand attention when you're tired, and will require you to clean up their shit and barf. They also cost money and will need things like training, medical care, patience, and human affection.

"If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans." - James Herriot

2) Dogs and cats do have minds and hearts and it is possible to permanently damage those minds and hearts. They are not just empty shells willing to please. I have known many domestic animals that developed "issues" due to human mistreatment. The most common issue I've seen in animals is abandonment issues. If it seems funny to you that an animal could develop abandonment issues, then don't get a pet.

"The dog represents all that is best in man." - Etienne Charlet

3) It is not necessarily true that animals will love you unconditionally. What people really mean by that statement is that animals don't have the mental capacity to judge you for being a douche bag. They will, however, give you what you give them. If you ignore, deny, disregard, mistreat, or abuse a pet, they will treat you as a source of their survival, not someone they love and adore, and may ultimately fear and avoid you. The bond will simply not develop.

"The greatest pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself, too." - Samuel Butler

4) Lastly, do you have the financial resources or the time to maintain the well being of an animal? Do you live in an animal friendly home? If you had to move into a rental, would you put the effort into finding a place that allows pets, or would you choose a nice place over a pet and dispose of it?

Unfortunately it is incredibly difficult to find rentals that are pet friendly and this seems to be a reason why many people surrender their animals to shelters. For the sake of the animal, please consider this before adopting. 

"Until one has loved an animal,  a part of one's soul remains unawakened." - Anatole France

The love of a cat or dog can be immeasurably fulfilling. If you show a cat or dog affection, care, and patience; if you treat an animal as a being with a soul, personality, and heart; if you talk to an animal, encourage it, and guide it, you will receive an invaluable amount of love in return. They will be your laughter on mundane days, they will communicate back with their chatter, eyes, and expressions, they will watch over you as you recover from the flu and may even stick their nose in your neck while you cry, like my much beloved childhood kitty, Chub Chub. They will teach you humility, patience, and the value of a connection based on nothing but pure soul. Their well being depends on our care and respect, and I think we owe them that much.

People who care

When I adopted my kitten, Gloria, who ended up staying with me at my parents acreage in 2005 and has since become a permanent member of their household, I bought her from a lady who lived down the street from me in Saskatoon. When I was at her house looking at the kittens, another woman was there looking at the kittens, as well, and as she situated Gloria in different positions on the rug to see how she "looked" among the furnishings, my heart sank and I could feel the owner's heart sink, too. "That one," I said, "I want that one." At that moment, Gloria had become my kitty.

Cat Decor woman was visibly disappointed.

The owner was extremely sad to see Gloria go. She gave her hugs and kisses and I promised to give her a good life. I told the lady to give me her email address so I could touch base with her in the future and let her know how the kitten was doing. It wasn't until a few years later while I did some spring cleaning when I came across her email address and sent an update. I told her about Gloria's personality, the type of life she was living, and her relationship with the other cats in the house. I included some photos of her, too.

Not long after, she emailed me back and thanked me with much gratitude for letting her know how Gloria was doing. What touched me the most was what she told me her thirteen year old son had said when he read the email, which was that it "renewed his faith in the human race."

A thirteen year old kid.

There are good hearted and deeply caring people out there. There are. Sometimes they're just hard to see through the haze. Hang in there, Twitch.

Responsibility. Respect. Care. Mindfulness.

"No heaven will not ever Heaven be;
Unless my cats are there to welcome me." - Anonymous

Feminism is being treated like a fungal infection. And it is kind of lame. (Day 8 of 31DBBB Challenge)

A great fear for many women is to be singled out.

To be singled out among their peers.

To be singled out and called the dreaded F-word.

To be called a feminist.

In my last blog post titled, "I shaved my cooch for this?!", I commented on the stigma attached to feminism.

Unfortunately, the word feminism still has an extremist stigma attached to it, largely because it is something that is ignored in the public education system and people still relate the word to man-hating, sex-negative, pseudo lesbian communes full of angry women with permanent shoulder pads and even angrier, 70's bushes.

No, I am not sitting in a room listening to Le Tigre while rocking back and forth and chanting the word "feminism", so I apologize for any initial redundancy. I am writing in response to a post my friend Twitch recently published regarding feminism. So. . .  blame Twitch. And make sure to read her post before continuing.

Twitch starts off by describing her frustration with a random internet commenter's complaint that there were not enough female characters given recognition in an article that listed Top 10 TV Characters of the Decade. Twitch's frustration targeted women who cry sexism at any hint of gender favoritism and advocate for over-the-top political correctness while ignoring basic reasoning. Like the fact that there really were few interesting female characters on television in the last decade.   

Before I go further, let me assure you that I do completely agree that Carmela Soprano was an amazing character and was poignantly executed by actress Edie Falco. Another television show that had dynamic, female characters was Six Feet Under. As for shows that are currently on air, Mad Men has represented all of its lead, female characters to be equally as complex and multi-layered as its male characters, which is one of the reasons why the show is so rich.

Okay, maybe there have been more than just a few beautifully crafted female characters on television in the last decade. And that top ten list of man-centric television characters was pretty horrible, most likely because the dude who devised it watches a lot of shitty TV. But I still agree with Twitch that interesting female characters are hugely out numbered by interesting male characters. And the representation of great female characters in the movies is even more lop sided, a topic which is explored in Rosanna Arquette's documentary, Searching for Debra Winger.

Random Internet Commenter shared a not-so-rare, middle school level view point on gender equality. It's the same perspective that advocates that we should have just as many female firefighters employed as male firefighters. Just because. This conceptualization of gender equality is over simplistic and it ignores the seemingly obvious fact that women are typically disadvantaged to do such a job due to their naturally smaller statures and weaker upper body strength.

So Random Internet Commenter is annoyed that there were no interesting female characters listed. Twitch is annoyed that internet commenter is crying "sexism" when there are no interesting female characters to list. I am annoyed as to why.

Why are there so few interesting female characters on television?

Welcome to Gender Studies 101, guys.

When I took an introduction to Gender Studies class in my first year of university, I, too, had my back up in regards to feminism. My assumptions about feminism were based on the stereotypes of mainstream society-- the collective perception of other people who have no idea what feminism is or who feminists are. Like Twitch, I too, feared being perceived as a man-hater, and assumed that feminism was all about victim declaration and oppressive rules that would tell me who I had to be and how I had to live my life. And if that is what feminism truly was, I wouldn't refer to myself as a feminist today or have any interest in feminist topics. I am the kid who cursed under my breath as we held hands and sang songs about God at the Christian camp I attended when I was eleven, the camp where I was forced to apologize to a kid named Stan for noticing the visibility of his nut sack through the leg of his baggy shorts during Bible study and passing the information around to all the other girls who were sitting in the circle.

Conformity has never been my strong point.

Twitch asked the question, what does feminism even MEAN anymore? Cue another throw back to my last post about shaving the cooch!

In an ideal world, the word feminist would no longer exist, since all feminist really means is that you believe in gender equality: the idea that women should have equal rights and freedoms to men, and that men should have equal rights and freedoms to women.

That's all feminism is, guys, so please don't organize groups of hooded folk to go hunting feminists in the middle of the night.

The different eras of the feminist movement have been broken down into waves: first, second, and third wave feminism. We are currently in the third wave. Each wave has been defined by unique hurdles for women and their fight for equality.

Second wave feminism is probably the most familiar wave of feminism and was defined by the struggle to achieve legal and sexual equality, equality in the work place, reproductive rights, and to explore issues regarding women's familial roles. It also challenged what sociologists refer to as micro or personal politics, which include gender stereotypes regarding  how women should act, what women should be, what women should be interested in, and what women should do.

It's true that third wave feminism has a reputation for being disorganized and lacking focus. Here in the Western world, women have made major strides in achieving equality, thanks to first and second wave feminists, and our inequalities are not nearly as monumental or stifling as those overcome in the past. 

Nowadays, Western women are on par with men in a variety of spheres. We have rights. We have choice. We're comfortable.

Has equal status been met? 

I am willing to bet that the majority of the dominant, feminist figures that fought for equal rights during the Women's Movement of the 60's and 70's would say no. Or possibly, "fuck no." I was twelve years old when I first noticed gaping disparities between my male and female peers and it pissed me off.

And I didn't even know what feminism was at that age.

As a collective society we have embraced a lot of feminist ideology, particularly the goals sought during first and second wave feminism. And while we typically respect the work of our foremothers for giving us the freedoms we now reap, we have abandoned the cause and latched on to brutal stereotypes about what feminism is and who feminists are.  

Annoying, albeit Funny Stereotypes about Feminism:

1. The assumption that first and second wave feminists were not perceived as radical, or that calling yourself a feminist back then did not have negative social connotations. 

They were. It did. Those who instigate change always receive negative backlash and stereotyping.

2. All feminists share the same view points on topics and fight for the same issues.

Again, refer to my definition of feminism. Twitch asked the question whether anti-abortionists could be considered feminists. Yes. If pro-lifers believe that abolishing abortion plays a role in women gaining equality, or if they disconnect the issue of abortion and women's equality altogether, they would still be considered feminists, even if many other feminists would disagree with their view point.

3. All feminists adhere to and support all feminist theory and theorists.

They don't. Feminist theory is about challenging cultural norms that we take for granted. People who are well versed in feminist theory are typically critical when consuming feminist theory, as well. When I studied feminism in post-secondary, it was an expectation that I ripped feminist theories apart with a critical eye. Feminism is not about swallowing information without question and jumping on a bandwagon. It is about critical thinking, challenging conventionalities, and ultimately developing your own position.

4. Any woman who mentions sexism is a seasoned spokesperson for the feminist movement and represents all women who consider themselves feminists.

This is like thinking that Ludacris represents all people who are passionate about black empowerment. Seriously, guys.

5. All feminists are angry, bitter, sexless dorks. And they're all female.

Yes, there are males who refer to themselves as feminists. I have known male feminists. There are feminist, male figures in the mainstream. A male feminist who does amazing work in the feminist field is Jackson Katz, and he doesn't fit any preconceived feminist stereotypes.

For me, openly referring to myself as a feminist creates a platform for debunking feminist stereotypes. If feminism comes up in conversation with someone, and that person is turned off due to the fact that I consider myself a feminist, what do I care? I mean, really.  REALLY. If those who appreciate the challenges that have been overcome and care about the challenges that women still face would embrace the F-word, then maybe the negative stigma associated with feminism would erode and more cohesiveness would be gained. Maybe the word "feminism" would become unnecessary altogether.

According to Wikipedia, I have some radical feminist views.

Me.

The woman who tells offensive jokes, shows too much cleavage, shaves a special do'  into her cooch, and is committed to a man who has politically incorrect names for everyone and everything and is so deeply rooted in stereotypical masculinity that he grunts when communicating.

Obviously radical feminism is pretty subjective. However, it is concerning to me that some girl who is annoyed that her favorite (shitty) female TV characters aren't represented in a list of (shitty) male TV characters could be perceived as a vocal, radical feminist, assuming that was the correlation Twitch was making. Especially since TV List Girl is so naive to feminist theory or the power structures that are at play that she doesn't have the knowledge to aim her frustration at the appropriate target.

I do not think that the majority of women are spraying feminism all over the place. I think that the majority of women are denying feminism altogether. I don't (personally) know anyone right now who considers themselves a feminist. When so few people will refer to themselves as a feminist or be vocal about issues they care about, no one can blame today's "movement" for it's lack of cohesiveness. Another reason why the goals of the current movement are so wishy-washy in the eyes of the the uninformed is because many of the goals that are left are issues that relate to personal politics: the effects of a systemic patriarchy that is rooted so deep that the average person doesn't question it. I discuss an issue that pertains to personal politics in another post titled, Labia Hammocks? Seriously? What's going on with our young girls?

In my experience, the notion that women still have obstacles to overcome is a no-brainer. I've endured many gender-related obstacles throughout the years and some are a permanent resident that will probably never go away in my life time.

I do understand that people have diverse life experiences: issues impact us differently and our values and passions vary. I completely understand why some people have little interest in women's rights. However, I don't understand the hostility towards people who do advocate for equality. We live in a world where women are killed for shaming their families, children are sold into sex slavery, a woman's number one asset is marketed as being her sexuality, and women are still not on par with men in regards to wage.

And we're debating if "feminazis" are making men "less than"?!

Wow, time for some serious reflection.

Lojo has something she needs to get off her chest.

A little over a year ago, the city that I now call home experienced a horrific murder of a young woman. Read about it here. Apparently the admitted murderer will be sentenced today. Read about that here.

I am pretty jaded when it comes to the potential darkness of people and I am not easily shocked when I read or hear about horrific events. But when my mom told me about this murder shortly after it happened, a lump welled in my throat and I just wanted to put my head in my hands and cry. Why? Because the young woman, Teagan Klein, was not the only person victimized at the scene. So was her three year old son. Who, if I recall correctly, was injured and found hiding in a closet(?) at least twelve hours after the murder took place.

Being the day of Douche Bag's sentencing, the event is resurfacing in the news as it has a few other times over the last year. What bothers me is how the media reports I am hearing now, and have heard throughout the year, fail to mention this poor child, let alone the fact that he was assaulted, potentially witnessed his own mother's murder, then hid in the house, terrified and alone for at least twelve hours.

While I don't expect the media to refer to the murderer as Piece of Shit Douche Bag when reporting on the event, I do think it's important to mention that he also victimized a helpless child and changed his life in one of the most emotionally damaging ways possible. That being said, I stick my middle finger high in the air, as I encourage all other people with a soul to do, and send a loud "fuck you" to Piece of Shit Douche Bag while he awaits sentencing today.

May he get fiercely ass pummelled by skinhead neo-Nazis in prison.

Girls Rock! The Movie

Girls Rock! is a dirt-under-your-painted-fingernails kind of documentary about a rock in roll camp in Portland, Oregon, where girls between the ages of eight and eighteen learn an instrument, write a song, and perform in front of an audience of 700 people. But the topics explored in Girls Rock! go much deeper than wailing on the guitar or developing the perfect riot grrrl roar. The premise of Rock and Roll Camp for Girls, a non-profit organization founded by Misty McElroy in 2000, is to use music as a tool to help girls develop confidence, overcome self esteem issues, and challenge the mold of traditional femininity.  In doing so, it also acts as an experimental exploration of what happens to girls when they are temporarily removed from the context of ‘girl culture’.

When the campers first arrive at rock camp, it is unsettling to witness this herd of girls squirm within the confines of their designated gender role. Their preoccupation with beauty ideals and queen bee politics is somewhat predictable, but their inhibitions to breathe air, be heard, take up space, and be different– to be themselves– results in a lump in the throat. The ongoing apologies and timid, if not censored expressions, is enough to make viewers want to hugs these girls and blubber, “it will be okay. IT WILL BE OKAY.”

Girls Rock! is also a soul warming portrayal of young girls reconnecting with their innocence, and consequently, sinking into their authentic selves. The scene when Palace, a feisty eight year old who has already crafted an eerie, premeditated poise, overcomes her inhibitions and develops her own rocker scream is a celebratory moment that feels like a raised glass to female empowerment. Another focal camper, Amelia, an experimental, self proclaimed musician who writes songs about her dog, Pipi, tickles the heart with her creative character and Jimi Hendrix rock moves.

As rock camp comes to a wrap, many of the girls highlighted in this documentary have begun to climb over the invisible walls that once restrained them. Laura, a teenaged, Korean adoptee, expresses her realization that as a female she is not limited to pining over rock stars from the side lines, but that she, too, is equally as capable as men to write music, rock out, and be in the lime light: a comment that is reflective of much wider gender issues.

With female rockers like Carrie Brownstein of Sleater Kinney and Wild Flag, and Beth Ditto of The Gossip acting as camp mentors, Girls Rock! pays tribute to the freedom culture of rock and roll, a sense of spirit that conflicts with the gender expectations that continue to weigh on young girls, and reflects a social phenomenon that deserves to be challenged with a ferocious, rebel yell.

Boobies.

On August 23rd, our neighbors down south celebrated "National Go Topless Protest Day."

As far as I know, the Canadian provinces of Ontario, Saskatchewan, and British Columbia ruled that women going topless in public was not a criminal act of indecency. I assume that since these rulings (which took place in the late 90's), more provinces have followed suit. That being said, the fight to go topless isn't in my radar, nor is it an issue that seems to grapple my Canadian peers. Which is cool, 'cause instead of worrying about feeling the cool breeze on our tits, we can focus on other things.

Like rape statistics.

The official gotopless.org website cites:

How are we helping women? GoTopless is committed to helping women perceive their breasts as noble, natural parts of their anatomy (whether they are nursing or not). Breasts shouldn’t have to be “modestly” or shamefully hidden from public view any more than arms, legs or feet.

How are we helping men? GoTopless is also committed to helping men differentiate between nudity and sexuality. If the presence of a topless woman in public triggers a sexual impulse, it can easily be controlled in the same way men control themselves when they see a woman wearing a mini skirt or revealing ample cleavage. Men manage to appreciate these things while still showing respect! Choosing consciousness above hormones leads to a peaceful, respectful society providing additional freedom and beauty.

Trinity and Saharah (left) protest the right to maximize their noble and natural financial investments. Mavis (third from the left), who has not worn a bra since 1976, claims that despite her breasts falling below her belly button, the freedom to go topless far outweighs the chronic upper back pain she now endures.

Sounds peachy. I can see it now:

"Yo, brah, check out those set of hooters!"

"Now hold up, Chad. A woman's breasts are part of her exterior temple, no different than an arm or a leg, except that breasts provide nourishment to feed our young. They are not objects to be ogled over, or rated on a scale from one to ten, but natural symbols of femininity that deserve our respect."

"I am sorry. You're right. Have I mentioned how much I love babies?"

And then a unicorn saunters by in a valley of rainbows.

I don't buy the idea that women going topless will free North Americans from their sexual repression. Our culture is obsessed with fame and plasticity, images and polished exteriors, a prototype of what beauty is and the chase to conquer that beauty, whether it's obtaining it ourselves, or simply exploiting someone else who has it. That is the root of our sexual repression, and if women going topless was to become a social norm in these parts of the world, that sexual repression would still be there, which is demonstrated to perfection on gotopless.org.

Because obviously it's detrimental to our fight for equality that twelve year old girls be saved from the sight of overweight, middle aged men, but hot women with double D implants? Finally, equality will be ours!!

When I last visited Saskatoon, my best friend and I sat on the riverbank and watched a shirtless, middle aged man jog passed and my best friend commented as to how women should have the same liberty. In retrospect, I guess the women of Saskatchewan do. As I glanced over at my best friend's athletic figure, petite breasts standing at attention, I wondered what it would be like if women going topless was a commonly accepted social mores.

I imagine what it would be like to pop into my parents' place and see my mother gardening in the backyard while sporting a tilly hat and a pair of free floatin' boobies. Or giving topless grandma a bear hug after a lengthy absence. Or the immense joy brought to our local pedophiles at the sight of an eleven year old girl playing in the park with her developing rose buds soaking up the summer sun. Best of all, we could smile and laugh when a passerby gets hit in the eye with breast milk, and then we could hold hands and sing Kumbaya and watch for more unicorns.

So lets say that the majority of women did let their boobies jiggle in public on warm, summer days. Would the everyday exposure of breasts, and I don't mean Halle Berry's rack in a Blockbuster, but real boobies-- stretch marked, saggy, asymmetrical, nipples post breastfeeding, breasts that lived through the Vietnam war-- weaken the perception of them as mere sexual objects? Or would men continue to perceive breasts as a sexual wonder? Would they walk through the street tripping over themselves at the sight of exposed breasts? And due to the lack of blood to the brain, would women completely take over the world and substitute men with dildo factories and semen distribution?

Ideally I would like to live in a world rid of Girls Gone Wild and men giving women beads to flash their boobies, but I'd also like to live in a world where men between the ages of twenty-five and thirty-five do not act like they are seventeen. I admit that I kind of like the fact that when I show cleavage my boyfriend's face is shoved in it, like my breasts are a chocolate mousse dessert that radiates decadence. I like the fact that when I am intimate with a man, my breasts are a source of sexual attraction, like a mystery only to be exposed to those I hand select. If breasts actually were perceived as just an arm or a leg, I wonder if I would miss that personal aspect to them.

As much fun as it sounds to have my cats bat at my hanging breasts like cheap toys from China while I bend over to tie my shoes, I still have trouble ignoring the physiological difference between men and women's breasts. As in women have them and men don't. And while I do think that it's unjustified for women to be arrested or fined for being seen bare breasted in public, I just don't perceive my ability to walk down the street with my breasts out as a real achievement for the women's movement.

Knah, I just don't.