A Feminist Fuck You: (Middle) Fingering 'I Acknowledge Class Warfare Exists'

The resurrection of western collectives giving a fuck (the most recognizable example being Occupy, and more recently, Idle No More) has been exciting for the combat boot wearing, teenage girl I used to be.

The most invigorating part has been watching different sectors of the global community unify around common issues and macro goals, which I never thought I'd see in my life time (I grew up as a child prodigy pessimist-- "gift from God" level). I've experienced times of elation when I've raised my fist and growled, "we're uniting! Being a feminist isn't going to be so lonely anymore!" I was even naive enough to hope to leave feminism behind (the label, the gender specificity, the polarizing "us VS. them" hiccups, the shoulder pads). After all, systemic gender issues are merely a side effect of a larger, more fragrant shit pile, and I was stoked at the prospect of incrementally challenging the origin of the cesspool as a larger, more diverse collective.

Fucking the system is so much fun.

With this gestating social shift has come an increasing presence of independent, DIY "journalism," largely thanks to social media. I started reading a website called I Acknowledge Class Warfare Exists, among a slew of others, and I've been following IACWE's Facebook feed for at least a year. At times I've found IACWE to be uncritically biased-- blow-jobbing Obama, excessive anti-gun banter-- but what has really grated on me is the odd, snide comment about women's issues strewn among exposure for, and support of, women's rights. Recently IACWE posted this on their Facebook feed:  

1.

A "fan" of this page actually wrote this today during our recent thread on not banning people.

"I think a lot of white men are not used to have women talk back to them probably because they watch to much sadistic porn. They seem think that women are created to serve them and when someone tells them differently they get really angry because they realize how pathetic they are in the real world when they can't pay people to "shut up and take it"."

This is what I refer to as a Feminist Oh-Shit Moment: when someone gets hyped up on middle-finger PCP, and publicly "sticks it to the boys" in some over-generalizing, stereotypical way, and the rest of us think, oh shit.

Did Faceless, Internet Entity just call The White Boys pathetic?

Did Faceless, Internet Entity just bash PORN?

Did Faceless, Internet Entity just bash the White Boys' sexy time with porn?!

Then we swallow the lump of horror in our throats . . .

grab our bug-out bags . . .

and we mother-fucking run.

Because as we already know, anyone who hetero-white-boy bashes in regards to women or gender (no matter how Jersey Shore the bashing may be), automatically becomes an ordained spokesperson for the feminist community and a representative of every feminist on planet earth in the universe. And those man-hating, baby-eating, witch, lesbian, Satanist, "Feminazis" will pay.

So, IACWE dedicated a reactionary segment to "Feminism."

AKA: Revenge-Fuck the Feminists Day

And the passive-aggressive fisting began:

1.

"First - pornography does not create a bunch of anti-feminists. That's one of the most ridiculous things I've heard in a long time. Men and women both watch pornography."

It's true that there isn't one thing that simply "creates" another thing in the arena of social sciences. That being said, there is no way to substantiated the claim that porn does not trigger or compound some people's misogynist mentalities. That, however, does not mean porn is "bad." In the world of, well . . .  grade 9 + academia, it is expected that you actually support your argument with some sort of information, and pointing out that men and women both watch porn, fails to challenge or contribute to the validity of either statement.

Critical media analysis skills are vital and consciousness of this is on the up-rise. But porn seems to fall into a DON'T GO THERE zone. I've witnessed otherwise media-critical men shut down intellectual discussion regarding porn as if the mere notion of being media-literate of it, of being aware of its potential down-sides, is absolutely ridiculous, like IACWE did here. When a hefty demographic can acknowledge the role of media in the implementation of class warfare, and yet turn around and hissy-fit when someone takes a jab at porn (and in more moderate and intellectual methods than Faceless Internet Entity did here), it's a red flag that we're dealing with some serious, societal mind-fuck.

My favourite analytical piece on porn is Douglas Haddow's Pornocalypse Now,  which was published in Adbusters years ago. Originally I was going to post that link and move on. I don't like critically dipping into porn. I strongly believe in the freedom of sexual expression, and since porn falls into this vast, grey area, and is, in itself hugely diverse, giving intellectual attention to it (as a woman, anyway) inevitably leads to misconstruation and defensiveness. More than anything, I don't want to be tied to a chair weighted down by rocks and thrown into a body of water to see if I'll float.

But while writing this I began reading a book by Chris Hedges called Empire of Illusion, which dedicates 1/5 of its focus to the critical exploration of modern porn. Aside from first-hand accounts from porn actresses discussing HIV, Herpes, HPV; uterus hemorrhages, vaginal and anal tears that require surgery, "women having their insides coming out of them," infections from "ATM," women getting PTSD, etc., Hedge cites the following:

• World wide porn revenues hit $97 billion in 2006 (According to the Internet Filter Review).
• General Motors (owns DIRECTV) and AT&T absorb about 80 percent of all consumer porn dollars.

And the porn industry has nothing to do with class warfare?

For those who are supposedly well-versed in socio-economic and political issues, and who are posing as advocates for freedom, like IACWE, it's "ridiculous" for them to shut down the analysis of porn, or to freeze it out of discussion. Love it or hate it, porn is corporate. Porn is like the cum-crustied poster-child of the elite's ultimate, capitalist lie. Porn is one of the many swords of class warfare. 

2.

"Lots of women choose to objectify themselves by working at breastaurants and strip clubs or as escorts. That's their decision and no it is not because "the man" was keeping them down. Make a decision and own it because if you can work in a strip club - you can work at McDonalds. And guys who go to strip clubs aren't worse human beings than people who choose not to frequent them."

.  .  .  .  .  . oh, sorry. I was busy filling out my application for employment at McDonalds. I just read that McDonalds' wages now match the wage of sex workers, and fuck, am I ever stoked. I'm also stoked for all those unemployed, middle-class born, American white dudes with $50, 000 worth of student debt who are complaining about "class warfare." They can also work at McDonalds-- it's not like "the man" is keeping them down.

It's interesting to read that, according to IACWE, all women who work in the sex industry have consciously "chosen to objectify themselves" instead of following other feasible opportunities. Apparently IACWE is overlooking, or just doesn't give a shit about the potential interplay of deeper, systemic issues, such as:

• The social conditioning (largely via media) that a woman's number one asset is her appearance and sexuality, which is constantly reinforced ad nauseum, and is financially rewarded.
• The possibility that entry level (typically part-time) jobs, like jobs in the fast food industry, may not offer wages that would allow for financial sustainability.
• Women with histories that involve childhood abuse, homelessness and severe poverty, drug abuse, etc.

.  .  .  .  .  . to name a few examples.

But the truly cold part of IACWE's poorly conceptualized statement is the notion that while women are responsible for their own objectification in these roles, the men who "frequently" utilize the services of these women are void of any responsibility for objectifying them.

Sure, I can half-assedly get behind Fantasia Cockateaze owning her career gig, but listen here, mother-fuckers, if you're "frequently" paying Fantasia Cockateaze to grind her ass in your face and pretend she likes you, you better own that shit, too.

'Cause that, my friends, is a shining example of gender bias and gently packaged slut-shaming.

3.

"What does being a feminist mean to you and can it go to far? I've always considered myself a feminist but I do hate when someone blames everyone else for their circumstances as in using it to deflect responsibility."

Too hypocritically narcissistic for me to comment on.

 

4.

"I see that women are more than likely to remain in poverty than men; I think that has everything to do with their being more likely to be the caretaker of children. A guy pays child support (if the woman is lucky) but that is far, far easier to do than taking care of a kid by yourself. Were the "gender roles" reversed and men had to get pregnant and then breastfeed and take care of the children .... I suspect that men would be more likely to be in poverty. That's just my gut feeling."

IACWE seems confused as to what gender roles are. Biological factors, such as conception/ pregnancy is not a gender role. An extreme example of a gender role is, "bitch go make me a sandwich." While some gender roles may stem from common feminine or masculine traits, gender roles are a transformative social construction, and vary among cultures.

The amalgamation of child birth, child care, and traditional gender roles does play a role in women's impoverishment, but it's not really about the babies. And I say that because indigenous, matriarchal cultures do still exist. What this is really about is capitalist-industrialism, which partners with the patriarchal political system. One characteristic of the development of the working class, which came about in the nineteenth century, was the segmentation of the working class by race, religion, ethnicity, age, and gender; women and children were assigned to the lowest paying and crappiest work. There are many facets to women and poverty (and race and poverty) that vary from culture to culture, and transform over time, but all lead back to one thing: the notion that some groups are less than. There is a lot of literature on this topic that extends beyond someone's "gut feeling," but yeah, IACWE, . . .  babies . . . a gut feeling . . . totally.

5.

"#1 - Who is more responsible for "slut shaming" in American society - women or men?

#2 - Should "slut shaming" exist in a modern society where we denounce gender stereotypes?

#3 - Are self proclaimed "feminists" more likely or less likely to support promiscuity?

#4 - Is it better or worse to live in a world where a woman is able to pursue her sexuality without having to be pigeon holed as being a slut?"

I just had a bore-gasm; does that make me a slut?!

If we're truly at the consensus that people should have equal rights and freedoms regardless of race, ethnicity, gender, and sexual orientation (something IACWE supposedly advocates), how the fuck are these discussion prompts not patronizingly hypocritical? "Should slut-shamming exist?"-- REALLY? Slut-shaming, whether displayed by men or women, is a control tactic that stems from fear. It has history, and it is systemic. If you clean off the bullshit surrounding prompt #4, what they're really asking is, "is it good or bad to live in a world where women have the same sexual freedoms as men?" Imagine the shit-show if the sexes were reversed in that prompt.

Instead of acknowledging sexual gender biases and inciting exploratory discussion surrounding "slut-shaming," IACWE has actually validated sexual gender biases as potentially being substantiated, of potentially having worth, and in doing so, have given them power.

Conclusion:

IACWE may only be one independent media source, but their "revenge-fuck" was a reality check. While I don't expect every Joe Schmo to have an interest/ understanding of this stuff, I do expect understanding from people who are speaking to 132,000 followers (oh sorry, 138, 000 now) and posing as experts of class warfare. If the education is not there, I expect humility and empathy. I expect an interest to learn. I expect a display of humanity that exceeds the lame-ness of our political forefathers. Or Fox News. I expect this because I have a brain and a heart, a self-esteem, and a standard for moral justice.

Feminism is acknowledging class warfare; feminists were fighting for freedom and equality, and debunking systemic bullshit long before these Gen Y Amurikans began feeling personally slighted by the system. For IACWE to patronize feminists is a betrayal. While I'm typically perceived as the Gentle Feminist, making cock jokes with the boys and embracing commonalities regardless of where people's values may lay (if we latch onto our differences rather than our similarities, we're fucked), I'm also not going to play the part of some boys club appeasing sell-out who smiles while waiting for the mind-fucked sheeple to stop degrading me. To stop degrading us.

So . . .

Fuck you, I Acknowledge Class Warfare Exists.

No, you heard me-- f-u-c-k y-o-u.

We allow our ignorance to prevail upon us and make us think we can survive alone, alone in patches, alone in groups, alone in races, even alone in genders. - Maya Angelou

Feminism is being treated like a fungal infection. And it is kind of lame. (Day 8 of 31DBBB Challenge)

A great fear for many women is to be singled out.

To be singled out among their peers.

To be singled out and called the dreaded F-word.

To be called a feminist.

In my last blog post titled, "I shaved my cooch for this?!", I commented on the stigma attached to feminism.

Unfortunately, the word feminism still has an extremist stigma attached to it, largely because it is something that is ignored in the public education system and people still relate the word to man-hating, sex-negative, pseudo lesbian communes full of angry women with permanent shoulder pads and even angrier, 70's bushes.

No, I am not sitting in a room listening to Le Tigre while rocking back and forth and chanting the word "feminism", so I apologize for any initial redundancy. I am writing in response to a post my friend Twitch recently published regarding feminism. So. . .  blame Twitch. And make sure to read her post before continuing.

Twitch starts off by describing her frustration with a random internet commenter's complaint that there were not enough female characters given recognition in an article that listed Top 10 TV Characters of the Decade. Twitch's frustration targeted women who cry sexism at any hint of gender favoritism and advocate for over-the-top political correctness while ignoring basic reasoning. Like the fact that there really were few interesting female characters on television in the last decade.   

Before I go further, let me assure you that I do completely agree that Carmela Soprano was an amazing character and was poignantly executed by actress Edie Falco. Another television show that had dynamic, female characters was Six Feet Under. As for shows that are currently on air, Mad Men has represented all of its lead, female characters to be equally as complex and multi-layered as its male characters, which is one of the reasons why the show is so rich.

Okay, maybe there have been more than just a few beautifully crafted female characters on television in the last decade. And that top ten list of man-centric television characters was pretty horrible, most likely because the dude who devised it watches a lot of shitty TV. But I still agree with Twitch that interesting female characters are hugely out numbered by interesting male characters. And the representation of great female characters in the movies is even more lop sided, a topic which is explored in Rosanna Arquette's documentary, Searching for Debra Winger.

Random Internet Commenter shared a not-so-rare, middle school level view point on gender equality. It's the same perspective that advocates that we should have just as many female firefighters employed as male firefighters. Just because. This conceptualization of gender equality is over simplistic and it ignores the seemingly obvious fact that women are typically disadvantaged to do such a job due to their naturally smaller statures and weaker upper body strength.

So Random Internet Commenter is annoyed that there were no interesting female characters listed. Twitch is annoyed that internet commenter is crying "sexism" when there are no interesting female characters to list. I am annoyed as to why.

Why are there so few interesting female characters on television?

Welcome to Gender Studies 101, guys.

When I took an introduction to Gender Studies class in my first year of university, I, too, had my back up in regards to feminism. My assumptions about feminism were based on the stereotypes of mainstream society-- the collective perception of other people who have no idea what feminism is or who feminists are. Like Twitch, I too, feared being perceived as a man-hater, and assumed that feminism was all about victim declaration and oppressive rules that would tell me who I had to be and how I had to live my life. And if that is what feminism truly was, I wouldn't refer to myself as a feminist today or have any interest in feminist topics. I am the kid who cursed under my breath as we held hands and sang songs about God at the Christian camp I attended when I was eleven, the camp where I was forced to apologize to a kid named Stan for noticing the visibility of his nut sack through the leg of his baggy shorts during Bible study and passing the information around to all the other girls who were sitting in the circle.

Conformity has never been my strong point.

Twitch asked the question, what does feminism even MEAN anymore? Cue another throw back to my last post about shaving the cooch!

In an ideal world, the word feminist would no longer exist, since all feminist really means is that you believe in gender equality: the idea that women should have equal rights and freedoms to men, and that men should have equal rights and freedoms to women.

That's all feminism is, guys, so please don't organize groups of hooded folk to go hunting feminists in the middle of the night.

The different eras of the feminist movement have been broken down into waves: first, second, and third wave feminism. We are currently in the third wave. Each wave has been defined by unique hurdles for women and their fight for equality.

Second wave feminism is probably the most familiar wave of feminism and was defined by the struggle to achieve legal and sexual equality, equality in the work place, reproductive rights, and to explore issues regarding women's familial roles. It also challenged what sociologists refer to as micro or personal politics, which include gender stereotypes regarding  how women should act, what women should be, what women should be interested in, and what women should do.

It's true that third wave feminism has a reputation for being disorganized and lacking focus. Here in the Western world, women have made major strides in achieving equality, thanks to first and second wave feminists, and our inequalities are not nearly as monumental or stifling as those overcome in the past. 

Nowadays, Western women are on par with men in a variety of spheres. We have rights. We have choice. We're comfortable.

Has equal status been met? 

I am willing to bet that the majority of the dominant, feminist figures that fought for equal rights during the Women's Movement of the 60's and 70's would say no. Or possibly, "fuck no." I was twelve years old when I first noticed gaping disparities between my male and female peers and it pissed me off.

And I didn't even know what feminism was at that age.

As a collective society we have embraced a lot of feminist ideology, particularly the goals sought during first and second wave feminism. And while we typically respect the work of our foremothers for giving us the freedoms we now reap, we have abandoned the cause and latched on to brutal stereotypes about what feminism is and who feminists are.  

Annoying, albeit Funny Stereotypes about Feminism:

1. The assumption that first and second wave feminists were not perceived as radical, or that calling yourself a feminist back then did not have negative social connotations. 

They were. It did. Those who instigate change always receive negative backlash and stereotyping.

2. All feminists share the same view points on topics and fight for the same issues.

Again, refer to my definition of feminism. Twitch asked the question whether anti-abortionists could be considered feminists. Yes. If pro-lifers believe that abolishing abortion plays a role in women gaining equality, or if they disconnect the issue of abortion and women's equality altogether, they would still be considered feminists, even if many other feminists would disagree with their view point.

3. All feminists adhere to and support all feminist theory and theorists.

They don't. Feminist theory is about challenging cultural norms that we take for granted. People who are well versed in feminist theory are typically critical when consuming feminist theory, as well. When I studied feminism in post-secondary, it was an expectation that I ripped feminist theories apart with a critical eye. Feminism is not about swallowing information without question and jumping on a bandwagon. It is about critical thinking, challenging conventionalities, and ultimately developing your own position.

4. Any woman who mentions sexism is a seasoned spokesperson for the feminist movement and represents all women who consider themselves feminists.

This is like thinking that Ludacris represents all people who are passionate about black empowerment. Seriously, guys.

5. All feminists are angry, bitter, sexless dorks. And they're all female.

Yes, there are males who refer to themselves as feminists. I have known male feminists. There are feminist, male figures in the mainstream. A male feminist who does amazing work in the feminist field is Jackson Katz, and he doesn't fit any preconceived feminist stereotypes.

For me, openly referring to myself as a feminist creates a platform for debunking feminist stereotypes. If feminism comes up in conversation with someone, and that person is turned off due to the fact that I consider myself a feminist, what do I care? I mean, really.  REALLY. If those who appreciate the challenges that have been overcome and care about the challenges that women still face would embrace the F-word, then maybe the negative stigma associated with feminism would erode and more cohesiveness would be gained. Maybe the word "feminism" would become unnecessary altogether.

According to Wikipedia, I have some radical feminist views.

Me.

The woman who tells offensive jokes, shows too much cleavage, shaves a special do'  into her cooch, and is committed to a man who has politically incorrect names for everyone and everything and is so deeply rooted in stereotypical masculinity that he grunts when communicating.

Obviously radical feminism is pretty subjective. However, it is concerning to me that some girl who is annoyed that her favorite (shitty) female TV characters aren't represented in a list of (shitty) male TV characters could be perceived as a vocal, radical feminist, assuming that was the correlation Twitch was making. Especially since TV List Girl is so naive to feminist theory or the power structures that are at play that she doesn't have the knowledge to aim her frustration at the appropriate target.

I do not think that the majority of women are spraying feminism all over the place. I think that the majority of women are denying feminism altogether. I don't (personally) know anyone right now who considers themselves a feminist. When so few people will refer to themselves as a feminist or be vocal about issues they care about, no one can blame today's "movement" for it's lack of cohesiveness. Another reason why the goals of the current movement are so wishy-washy in the eyes of the the uninformed is because many of the goals that are left are issues that relate to personal politics: the effects of a systemic patriarchy that is rooted so deep that the average person doesn't question it. I discuss an issue that pertains to personal politics in another post titled, Labia Hammocks? Seriously? What's going on with our young girls?

In my experience, the notion that women still have obstacles to overcome is a no-brainer. I've endured many gender-related obstacles throughout the years and some are a permanent resident that will probably never go away in my life time.

I do understand that people have diverse life experiences: issues impact us differently and our values and passions vary. I completely understand why some people have little interest in women's rights. However, I don't understand the hostility towards people who do advocate for equality. We live in a world where women are killed for shaming their families, children are sold into sex slavery, a woman's number one asset is marketed as being her sexuality, and women are still not on par with men in regards to wage.

And we're debating if "feminazis" are making men "less than"?!

Wow, time for some serious reflection.

I Shaved My Cooch For THIS?!

Having strong European genes has made hair removal one of the biggest challenges in my life. Earning a university degree? Yeah, whatever. It doesn’t compare to the in depth research I’ve done regarding Nair, wax strips, five bladed razors, bleach, shaving creams, and hair removal aftercare. I am still waiting for my tax rebate to show up in the mail, the Awww, We’re Sorry That Society Discriminates So Harshly Against Wolf Children, So Here’s Some Money to Help With Those Gillette Razors That Cost $20 For A Pack Of Six rebate.

Summer has rolled in, which means that hair removal is a more prominent thought on women’s minds. When a popular blogger recently wrote about “the hair down there” on her website, many of the responding comments echoed the same notion: “I keep my cooch shaved, but I do it for me.“

“. . . . but I do it for me.”  The least desirable, naively regurgitated phrase to leave the mouths of women, ever.

The notion of hair removal being a feminist issue was also raised, but most of the commenters seemed baffled as to why it would be considered a  feminist issue.

A feminist issue is an issue that pertains to a specific gender, that gender usually being female, but not always. In an ideal world, the word “feminist” would no longer exist, since all feminism represents is the belief in gender equality: the idea that women should have equal rights and freedoms to men, and that men should have equal rights and freedoms to women. Unfortunately, the word “feminism” still has an extremist stigma attached to it, largely because it is ignored by the public education system and continues to be narrowly associated with man-hating, sex-negative women.

Indeed, hairless cooches are a feminist issue, but not in the sense that bald beavers are non-feminist, and wild, pube jungles are feminist. This does not mean that shaving the cooch bald is bad, either. It’s simply a cultural phenomenon that is worth pondering and discussing in an honest way that is free from “but I do it for me” bullshit. That kind of limited thinking is counteractive to making mindful and empowered decisions.

Besides the very basic, life necessities, and possibly tending to our inner passions, most of the things we do in our lives are in adherence to cultural conformity, not some innate, natural desire. Especially when it comes to aesthetics. When people are confronted with the label of conformity, they often become uncomfortable and defensive, as if admitting to basic acts of cultural conformity is a sign of weakness. As a result, people tend to crank out justifications for these seemingly shallow adherents, and the only reasonable excuse they can come up with is, “. . . but I do it for me.” As if the widespread conformity to these fleeting, cultural trends is merely a coincidence.

Right. And I only have to shave my legs once a week.

My Own Experience with Shaving the Cooch

There are things I like about shaving the cooch, and things I don’t like about shaving the cooch. For example, a freshly shaved cooch can intensify a sexual experience. However, it can also destroy my nether regions to the point where I am out of commission for days on end, and consequently want to punch all men in the face. Repeatedly.

I was first coerced to go bald when I was eighteen. At the time my lady parts were nicely manicured. Cute, really. I did go bald for that lover a few times, but the week of pain following my close shaves were almost unbearable. Eventually I made a deal with him: I would keep “Kitty” shaved bald for a month, as long as he, too, would keep his package shaved bald for a month. Three days later he cried in pain and uncomfortably picked at his balls as his rash-infested grow-back crippled his will to live.

That was the end of that debate.

Nowadays I view a bald beaver as a treat. Something that I will do every now and then. Something for special occasions. Something that I will do when I know that my lady-parts will be under wraps for the week proceeding so I can keep the crime scene of my vulva’s recovery to myself.

Over the years I have mastered a system of shaving that works for me, and after discussing the topic with my female friends, some of them practice the same method:

• Shaving the bikini line
• Shaving the under belly
• Keep a manicured “porn patch” on the top

Do I do it for me?

No. I never Bic the entirety of my privates with a razor strictly for myself. I do it for the aesthetic pleasure of the man I am with.

I know, girls. Finally, a token of honesty.

Here are some hair removal tips I've honed after almost two decades of shaving. Yes, I've been shaving my legs since I was ten.

Lojo's Most Successful Hair Removal Practices and Products:

1. Gillette Fusion - Five Blade Razor

No, I haven't found any gender specific razors marketed towards women that are on the same level as Gillette's man razors. Apparently Gillette hasn't made the correlation between men's sensitive faces and women's sensitive snatches. Maybe the CEO of Gillette is a baby boomer who is ignorant to the new found pressures women face thanks to porn culture. Maybe he (or she) is a family man/ woman who attended Woodstock in 1969. Sweet, really. Reminds me of the sweetness of my mother. But seriously. Lets get with the program.

2. Nivea for Men Shaving Gel

I don't think Nivea even has shaving gel for women. Like women have body hair, anyway. But I will totally settle for smelling like my boyfriend if it means experiencing the luscious awesome-ness of Nivea's shaving products.

3. Skintimate Shave Cream

The only shaving product marketed towards women that I truly love. Mix this with a little Nivea shave gel and you have created the ultimate shave lube to protect yourself from The Burn. Or The Bleeding. Or accidental body mutilation.

4. Gillette Thermal Face Scrub

This is a product that I recently stumbled upon while grocery shopping with my boyfriend. "You don't need that," he said, "just shave it all off." Why didn't I think of that?! If I shave it all off, then I WON'T have to buy ridiculous products to alleviate razor burn. Silly me!

Aren't men cute? I love them.

The warming scrub is used pre-shave to exfoliate the skin by opening  pores, loosening hair, and making way for a smoother shave. And it really does warm on contact. But be aware that there is a warning on the back that instructs to avoid contact with the lips. And as my boyfriend so eloquently noted, "I am sure that means to avoid contact with your other lips, as well." So if you're using it to shave your cooch, make sure not to get too intimate with it.

5. Vitamin E Ointment

I also came across this in the grocery store and find it is perfect for poon-shave after care. It works great for soothing the "under belly" of your lady parts. Particularly when lace underwear are thrown on afterwards. And a pair of tight jeans.

Boys, you have no idea.

6. Talcom/ Baby Powder

Talcom powder works great for reducing those oh-so unattractive red bumps that tend to show up along the bikini line and ontop of the "pork taco".  Evidently this reduces the moisture and inhibits that lovely rash that so many of us women are accustomed to.

Additional Tips:

• Avoid underwear that is tight around the crotch, as this will cause chaos by chaffing the sensitive areas you've just shaven. Same goes for scratchy lace.
• I also try to avoid cold temperatures following a close shave. I find that if I get chilled and get goosebumps immediately following a shave, then the once smooth, loveliness of my shave turns into a not-having-sex-for-a-week battlefield of rashiness and in-grown hairs.

Now let's discuss. What are your opinions on shaving the cooch? What hair removal practices do you use? What works for you and what doesn't? How do you think strippers do it? And since I haven't brought up waxing or electrolysis, any insights on those methods? If you're not comfortable with publicly commenting on this subject matter, then feel free to comment anonymously.

And for the male readers, feel free to share your opinions, as well. What are your thoughts on women going bald? Do you go bald yourself? What are your shaving practices?

Now I challenge the men reading this to do the Shave Down There - Nut Sack and All challenge for the next three weeks. No, I don't mean buzz it with a pair of clippers. I mean Bic it. Bic it all. And when stubble starts to grow back, Bic it again, bitches.

I tell ya, it would change women's lives.

Girls Rock! The Movie

Girls Rock! is a dirt-under-your-painted-fingernails kind of documentary about a rock in roll camp in Portland, Oregon, where girls between the ages of eight and eighteen learn an instrument, write a song, and perform in front of an audience of 700 people. But the topics explored in Girls Rock! go much deeper than wailing on the guitar or developing the perfect riot grrrl roar. The premise of Rock and Roll Camp for Girls, a non-profit organization founded by Misty McElroy in 2000, is to use music as a tool to help girls develop confidence, overcome self esteem issues, and challenge the mold of traditional femininity.  In doing so, it also acts as an experimental exploration of what happens to girls when they are temporarily removed from the context of ‘girl culture’.

When the campers first arrive at rock camp, it is unsettling to witness this herd of girls squirm within the confines of their designated gender role. Their preoccupation with beauty ideals and queen bee politics is somewhat predictable, but their inhibitions to breathe air, be heard, take up space, and be different– to be themselves– results in a lump in the throat. The ongoing apologies and timid, if not censored expressions, is enough to make viewers want to hugs these girls and blubber, “it will be okay. IT WILL BE OKAY.”

Girls Rock! is also a soul warming portrayal of young girls reconnecting with their innocence, and consequently, sinking into their authentic selves. The scene when Palace, a feisty eight year old who has already crafted an eerie, premeditated poise, overcomes her inhibitions and develops her own rocker scream is a celebratory moment that feels like a raised glass to female empowerment. Another focal camper, Amelia, an experimental, self proclaimed musician who writes songs about her dog, Pipi, tickles the heart with her creative character and Jimi Hendrix rock moves.

As rock camp comes to a wrap, many of the girls highlighted in this documentary have begun to climb over the invisible walls that once restrained them. Laura, a teenaged, Korean adoptee, expresses her realization that as a female she is not limited to pining over rock stars from the side lines, but that she, too, is equally as capable as men to write music, rock out, and be in the lime light: a comment that is reflective of much wider gender issues.

With female rockers like Carrie Brownstein of Sleater Kinney and Wild Flag, and Beth Ditto of The Gossip acting as camp mentors, Girls Rock! pays tribute to the freedom culture of rock and roll, a sense of spirit that conflicts with the gender expectations that continue to weigh on young girls, and reflects a social phenomenon that deserves to be challenged with a ferocious, rebel yell.

Boobies.

On August 23rd, our neighbors down south celebrated "National Go Topless Protest Day."

As far as I know, the Canadian provinces of Ontario, Saskatchewan, and British Columbia ruled that women going topless in public was not a criminal act of indecency. I assume that since these rulings (which took place in the late 90's), more provinces have followed suit. That being said, the fight to go topless isn't in my radar, nor is it an issue that seems to grapple my Canadian peers. Which is cool, 'cause instead of worrying about feeling the cool breeze on our tits, we can focus on other things.

Like rape statistics.

The official gotopless.org website cites:

How are we helping women? GoTopless is committed to helping women perceive their breasts as noble, natural parts of their anatomy (whether they are nursing or not). Breasts shouldn’t have to be “modestly” or shamefully hidden from public view any more than arms, legs or feet.

How are we helping men? GoTopless is also committed to helping men differentiate between nudity and sexuality. If the presence of a topless woman in public triggers a sexual impulse, it can easily be controlled in the same way men control themselves when they see a woman wearing a mini skirt or revealing ample cleavage. Men manage to appreciate these things while still showing respect! Choosing consciousness above hormones leads to a peaceful, respectful society providing additional freedom and beauty.

Trinity and Saharah (left) protest the right to maximize their noble and natural financial investments. Mavis (third from the left), who has not worn a bra since 1976, claims that despite her breasts falling below her belly button, the freedom to go topless far outweighs the chronic upper back pain she now endures.

Sounds peachy. I can see it now:

"Yo, brah, check out those set of hooters!"

"Now hold up, Chad. A woman's breasts are part of her exterior temple, no different than an arm or a leg, except that breasts provide nourishment to feed our young. They are not objects to be ogled over, or rated on a scale from one to ten, but natural symbols of femininity that deserve our respect."

"I am sorry. You're right. Have I mentioned how much I love babies?"

And then a unicorn saunters by in a valley of rainbows.

I don't buy the idea that women going topless will free North Americans from their sexual repression. Our culture is obsessed with fame and plasticity, images and polished exteriors, a prototype of what beauty is and the chase to conquer that beauty, whether it's obtaining it ourselves, or simply exploiting someone else who has it. That is the root of our sexual repression, and if women going topless was to become a social norm in these parts of the world, that sexual repression would still be there, which is demonstrated to perfection on gotopless.org.

Because obviously it's detrimental to our fight for equality that twelve year old girls be saved from the sight of overweight, middle aged men, but hot women with double D implants? Finally, equality will be ours!!

When I last visited Saskatoon, my best friend and I sat on the riverbank and watched a shirtless, middle aged man jog passed and my best friend commented as to how women should have the same liberty. In retrospect, I guess the women of Saskatchewan do. As I glanced over at my best friend's athletic figure, petite breasts standing at attention, I wondered what it would be like if women going topless was a commonly accepted social mores.

I imagine what it would be like to pop into my parents' place and see my mother gardening in the backyard while sporting a tilly hat and a pair of free floatin' boobies. Or giving topless grandma a bear hug after a lengthy absence. Or the immense joy brought to our local pedophiles at the sight of an eleven year old girl playing in the park with her developing rose buds soaking up the summer sun. Best of all, we could smile and laugh when a passerby gets hit in the eye with breast milk, and then we could hold hands and sing Kumbaya and watch for more unicorns.

So lets say that the majority of women did let their boobies jiggle in public on warm, summer days. Would the everyday exposure of breasts, and I don't mean Halle Berry's rack in a Blockbuster, but real boobies-- stretch marked, saggy, asymmetrical, nipples post breastfeeding, breasts that lived through the Vietnam war-- weaken the perception of them as mere sexual objects? Or would men continue to perceive breasts as a sexual wonder? Would they walk through the street tripping over themselves at the sight of exposed breasts? And due to the lack of blood to the brain, would women completely take over the world and substitute men with dildo factories and semen distribution?

Ideally I would like to live in a world rid of Girls Gone Wild and men giving women beads to flash their boobies, but I'd also like to live in a world where men between the ages of twenty-five and thirty-five do not act like they are seventeen. I admit that I kind of like the fact that when I show cleavage my boyfriend's face is shoved in it, like my breasts are a chocolate mousse dessert that radiates decadence. I like the fact that when I am intimate with a man, my breasts are a source of sexual attraction, like a mystery only to be exposed to those I hand select. If breasts actually were perceived as just an arm or a leg, I wonder if I would miss that personal aspect to them.

As much fun as it sounds to have my cats bat at my hanging breasts like cheap toys from China while I bend over to tie my shoes, I still have trouble ignoring the physiological difference between men and women's breasts. As in women have them and men don't. And while I do think that it's unjustified for women to be arrested or fined for being seen bare breasted in public, I just don't perceive my ability to walk down the street with my breasts out as a real achievement for the women's movement.

Knah, I just don't.