ChubChub aka "The Bitch" [Age 15 years]
Ranking: Alpha Cat.
Best known for her charisma and household dominance. Enjoys baths twice a day and rudely ignoring others, consequently adopting the name Diva Bitch from Hell. Currently mentoring Gloria to assume the role as alpha cat following her upcoming retirement.
Dudes aka "Boobies" [Age 15 years]
Is camera phobic due to insecurities surrounding her cat breasts.
Best known for her passive aggression and great dislike for Gloria, Dudes is currently planning to escape from this whore infested craphole to find a new home that doesn't take in every goddamn stray that stops at it's door.
Gloria aka "Badittude" [Age 5 months]
Ranking: Alpha Cat #2. Terrorist. Overachiever.
Best known for her good looks, superior intelligence, unapologetic deviance, and horrific smelling poops. Enjoys playing non-consensual UFC with the other cats. Is currently busy collecting earplugs and devising a plan for world domination.
Polly "The Polydactyl" [Age 1 year]
Ranking: Wicked Noobie.
Recently took residence with our family after being abandoned near my parents' house at Christmas time. Is best known for her extensive number of toes and enormously large feet. Was currently preoccupied with "getting laid" before her spaying procedure last Thursday but is now looking forward to returning to regular activities, like playing tag with Gloria and being a whiney suck.
[Welcome aboard, Polly Pants.]