Tuesday
Feb122008

Lil' Buddy rocks out

My co-worker, Lil' Buddy, performs his hardcore, death metal scream while jamming with his band:

I can't make out the lyrics, but I assume they go something like, my supervisor is the best supervisor in the world [DEATH GROWL].

Saturday
Feb022008

Firecrotch is a bad omen

I had to take down my Six Degrees of Skronking Jared Leto poll due to an html gliche that disabled the voting after it logged one. This is what I get for using a polling system generated by Blogger's so easy a retarded cat could use it blogging layout.

The motivation behind the poll was to uncover why so many people I know have slept with or know of someone who has slept with Jared Leto. Is Mr. Catalano a celebrity man whore? Or do people just wish he was?

Since the poll was a no-go, I did some behind-the-scenes research. I compiled the following evidence:

This is a before and after shot of Jared demonstrating an extreme weight fluctuation that he endured for a movie role. In the center photo you will notice that he is sexily posed with Bif, an Aryan auto mechanic from Brandon, Manitoba.

This artistic masterpiece mocks a comment that Jared made stating that he is "gayer than a goose". This would explain why some of the Jared skronkers I know are gay males.

Here is a heavier set Jared photographed next to Satan-- evidence that he will, in fact, boink anything.


I cannot make any solid conclusions at this time, but until he stops hanging out with Firecrotch, I will accept all Jared Leto rumors as factual.

If you have any of your own skronking Jared stories to share, please do so in my comment section.

Friday
Feb012008

Recent Headline

A recent headline reads...

Dad left babies in a field: Saskatchewan reserve devastated after sisters, aged 1 and 3, found frozen

Whether it's getting drunk, passing out and freezing to death, getting drunk, passing out and leaving your kids to freeze to death, or getting drunk and freezing to death after the Pigs drop you off outside of the city, Saskatchewan has now been declared the get shit faced and freeze to death capital of Canada.

Dad has officially lost his danger pay privileges.

Tuesday
Jan292008

No Snow Days for the Canucks

I have concluded that Canadians should be entitled to some sort of life bonus or danger pay when the temperature drops below -35 C, and that monetary supplement should be doubled when the temperature drops below -50 C.

Unlike many other places in Canada, life on the prairies resumes regardless of what the weather is like. As a child I never missed a day of school due to the weather, and I clearly remember our school principal, who was a demonic cross breed between Mr. Burns and a Tyrannosaurus Rex, enforcing the rule that all children had to spend recess outside unless the temperature dipped below -30 C. Thirteen years later and I still want to run the bitch over with a car.

Indeed, we Canadians are hardy folk. . . ugly, but hardy. We've been raised with a keen sense of fashion that reflects our lifestyle. . .


We also share an appreciation for modern technology. . .


And an asinine sense of fearlessness.


But despite our many attributes, we sometimes become so preocuupied with parkas, long johns, and trying to get our vehicles started that we stop asking the important questions, like why the hell can't we have a snow day once in awhile?


Sunday
Jan272008

Go Big or Go Home


Faun trades in her ovaries for a pair of breast implants.