Zombie Tools: "Fuck the Revolution; Bring On the Apocalypse"

We've been experiencing some unusually warm weather in western Canada, and as my friend Jordan pointed out on a facebook status earlier today, this weather has been quite enjoyable, "but the obviously impending apocalypse is a bit concerning."

Yeah, man, tell me about it. The weather was so hot, dry, and muggy on Saturday that I could smell the post-mortem rot of zombie flesh in the air, and I have since coined this period as The Autumn Before the Apocalypse.

"What are all you apocalyptica people going to do if shit doesn't go down next year?" Laura asked me, evidently concerned about my emotional well being if things don't pan out.

"It's okay, Laura. We'll come up with a new theory that continues to affirm our beliefs." Religions have been doing it since the beginning of time, after all.

A couple years ago, I came across a website called Zombie Tools: Accessories for the Apocalypse.

Zombie Tools is owned and operated by a group of swordsmen and metalsmiths from Missoula, Montana who make weapons for zombie slaughter. If that, in itself, isn't enough to earn my respect, their slogans of, "Can't save the world? Then prepare for its end," or, "Zombie Tools: A Fist Full of Fuck Yeah", are.

In the following video, Max from Zombie Tools challenges 24 cans of beer with the Apokatana. Fast forward to three minutes in if you have Attention Deficit Disorder, or if you're a member of Gen Y. If you're a Gen Z'er, you might as well skip the whole fucking thing because it lacks any sort of auto-tuned music track.

Impressive, huh? As for me, I'm leaning towards the d'Capitan 2012.

They also have a bad ass, 2012 zombie apocalypse calendar for sale, and some pretty awesome merch, too, like a hoodie with this on the back of it:

Which, to the misery of my mother, I will be buying.

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