"I shaved my cooch for THIS?!" (Day 2 of 31DBBB Challenge)
July 21, 2010 Having strong European genes in conjunction with dark, almost-near Jew hair has made hair removal one of the biggest challenges in my life. Earning a university degree? Yeah. Whatever. It doesn't even compare to all the research I've done regarding Nair, wax strips, five bladed razors, bleach, shaving creams, and hair removal aftercare. I am still waiting for my tax rebate to show up in the mail, the Awww, We're Sorry That Our Society Discriminates So Harshly Against Wolf Children, So Here's Some Money to Help With The Cost Of Those Gillette Razors That Cost $20 For A Pack Of Six rebate. And damn all you blonde girls out there.You should be the ones being taxed for my upkeep. You and your goddamn blonde hair/ blue eyes, Nazi satisfying genes. I am on to you. And yes, I know that my best friend is a blonde, and no, I don't retract that comment. In fact, I should call her right now and tell her to fly out so she can shave my legs for me. YOU HEARD ME.
So summer has rolled in, which means that hair removal is a more prominent thought on many women's minds. I've been considering a post on hair removal for awhile, but when a semi-popular author/ blogger recently incited discussion about "the hair down there", I was officially inspired to put my thoughts into text and arouse some down and dirty discussion about. . .
SHAVING THE POON.
Many of the responses to that blogger's post were something along the lines of, "I keep my cooch shaved. . . but I do it for ME."
". . . but I do it for me." The least desirable, naively, regurgitated phrase to ever leave the mouths of women. Ever.
The issue of hair removal being a feminist issue was also raised in the comment field. Most seemed baffled as to why this is a feminist issue, although a few, feminist fluent women did share some deeper insights.
Now, before I start throwing around the dreaded F-word, let me assure you that I am not going Euro right now. Hence the opening paragraph to this blog post. I am not rockin' an Ewok poon, or the armpits of Radinka from Slovakia, so this will be the furthest thing from a one sided analysis of hairy bushes. Calm down, okay?
What exactly is a feminist issue, Lojo?
I am glad you asked!
A feminist issue is an issue that pertains to a specific gender, that gender usually being female, but not always, as feminists tend to watch out for everyone--dudes, homos, minorities, etc. Yes, I know. Feminists do deserve a few extra badges on their Beaver sashes.
But those feminists I speak of are the more active, political feminists. In an ideal world, the word feminist would no longer exist, since all feminist really means is that you believe in gender equality: the idea that women should have equal rights and freedoms to men, and that men should have equal rights and freedoms to women. Unfortunately, the word feminism still has an extremist stigma attached to it, largely because it is something that is ignored in the public education system and people still relate the word to man-hating, sex-negative, pseudo lesbian communes full of angry women with permanent shoulder pads and even angrier, 70's bushes.
So sure, hairless poons are a feminist issue, but not in the sense that hairless poons are non-feminist and wild, pube jungles are feminist. That's silly. The fact that this is a feminist issue does not mean that shaving the poon bald is bad, either. It's just one of those things that are worth thinking about and worth discussing in an honest, non-bullshitty kind of way. Not in an, ". . . but I do it for me," kind of way because that kind of limited thinking does nothing in regards to actual empowerment or making mindful decisions.
Lets get one thing straight, besides the very basic, life necessities and possibly tending to our inner most desires, most of the things we do in our lives are in adherence to cultural conformity, not some innate, natural desire. Especially when it comes to esthetics. When people are confronted with the label of conformity, they often become uncomfortable and defensive, as if admitting to basic acts of cultural conformity is a sign of weakness. So they crank out the justifications and the only moderately reasonable excuse they can come up with is, ". . . but I do it for me." And we're all supposed to nod our heads and believe that the widespread adherence to fleeting, cultural trends is merely a coincidence. Right. And I only have to shave my legs once a week.
My Own Experience with Shaving the Cooch
There are things I like about shaving the cooch, and things I don't like about shaving the cooch. A freshly shaved cooch can intensify a sexual experience. It can also destroy my nether regions to the point where I am "out of commission" for days on end and want to punch men in the face. Repeatedly.
I was first coerced to go bald when I was eighteen. At the time my lady parts were nicely manicured. Cute, really. I did go bald for that lover a few times, but the week of pain following my close shaves were almost unbearable. So, eventually I striked a deal with him: I will keep Kitty shaved bald for a month, as long as he kept his package completely shaved for a month. Three days later he uncomfortably picked at his balls and cried in pain as the rashy grow-back crippled his will to live.
And that was the end of that debate.
Nowadays I view a bald beaver as a treat. Something that I will do every now and then. Something for special occasions. Something that I will do when I know that my lady-parts will be under wraps for the week proceeding so I can keep the crime scene of my vulva's recovery to myself.
Over the years I have mastered a system of shaving that works alright for me, and after discussing the topic with some of my female friends, some of them use the same system:
- Shaving the bikini line
- Shaving the under belly
- Keep a manicured "porn patch" on the top
Do I do it for me?
No.
Not really.
I never Bic the entirety of my privates with a razor strictly for myself. I do it for the esthetic pleasure of the man I am with.
I know, girls. Finally. A token of honesty.
Here are some hair removal tips I've honed after almost two decades of shaving. Yes, I've been shaving my legs since I was ten.
Lojo's Most Successful Hair Removal Practices and Products:
1. Gillette Fusion - Five Blade Razor
No, I haven't found any gender specific razors marketed towards women that are on the same level as Gillette's man razors. Apparently Gillette hasn't made the correlation between men's sensitive faces and women's sensitive snatches. Maybe the CEO of Gillette is a baby boomer who is ignorant to the new found pressures women face thanks to porn culture. Maybe he (or she) is a family man/ woman who attended Woodstock in 1969. Sweet, really. Reminds me of the sweetness of my mother. But seriously. Lets get with the program.
2. Nivea for Men Shaving Gel
I don't think Nivea even has shaving gel for women. Like women have body hair, anyway. But I will totally settle for smelling like my boyfriend if it means experiencing the luscious awesome-ness of Nivea's shaving products.
3. Skintimate Shave Cream
The only shaving product marketed towards women that I truly love. Mix this with a little Nivea shave gel and you have created the ultimate shave lube to protect yourself from The Burn. Or The Bleeding. Or accidental body mutilation.
4. Gillette Thermal Face Scrub
This is a product that I recently stumbled upon while grocery shopping with my boyfriend. "You don't need that," he said, "just shave it all off." Why didn't I think of that?! If I shave it all off, then I WON'T have to buy ridiculous products to alleviate razor burn. Silly me!
Aren't men cute? I love them.
The warming scrub is used pre-shave to exfoliate the skin by opening pores, loosening hair, and making way for a smoother shave. And it really does warm on contact. But be aware that there is a warning on the back that instructs to avoid contact with the lips. And as my boyfriend so eloquently noted, "I am sure that means to avoid contact with your other lips, as well." So if you're using it to shave your cooch, make sure not to get too intimate with it.
5. Vitamin E Ointment
I also came across this in the grocery store and find it is perfect for poon-shave after care. It works great for soothing the "under belly" of your lady parts. Particularly when lace underwear are thrown on afterwards. And a pair of tight jeans.
Boys, you have no idea.
6. Talcom/ Baby Powder
Talcom powder works great for reducing those oh-so unattractive red bumps that tend to show up along the bikini line and ontop of the "pork taco". Evidently this reduces the moisture and inhibits that lovely rash that so many of us women are accustomed to.
Additional Tips:
- Avoid underwear that is tight around the crotch, as this will cause chaos by chaffing the sensitive areas you've just shaven. Same goes for scratchy lace.
- I also try to avoid cold temperatures following a close shave. I find that if I get chilled and get goosebumps immediately following a shave, then the once smooth, loveliness of my shave turns into a not-having-sex-for-a-week battlefield of rashiness and in-grown hairs.
Now let's discuss. What are your opinions on shaving the cooch? What hair removal practices do you use? What works for you and what doesn't? How do you think strippers do it? And since I haven't brought up waxing or electrolysis, any insights on those methods? If you're not comfortable with publicly commenting on this subject matter, then feel free to comment anonymously.
And for the male readers, feel free to share your opinions, as well. What are your thoughts on women going bald? Do you go bald yourself? What are your shaving practices?
Now I challenge the men reading this to do the Shave Down There - Nut Sack and All challenge for the next three weeks. No, I don't mean buzz it with a pair of clippers. I mean Bic it. Bic it all. And when stubble starts to grow back, Bic it again, bitches.
I tell ya, it would change many women's lives.
aesthetics, feminism, women in conversation, humour, product, reflections
Reader Comments (23)
Ok, interesting subject matter. A few notes:
1) I am sending this link to my ex-girlfriend, as I think she'll find much of the information useful in alleviating her suffering. Not that it makes any difference in my life at this point, but I always felt bad for her in the days after a bikini-line shave or whatever, and I think some of this will help her in general. Still love the girl, gotta, don't wanna see her suffer unnecessarily.
2) I have done (on more than one occasion and for more than one GF) the full scrotal/cockal shave. It's horrendous. Truly awful. The worst part of the whole deal was that I was always promised more, uh, "playtime" in the general area if I would take that extra step, and it never panned out. So, I suffered for nothing. And before anyone gets all up in arms, no, I never asked a girl to do a full shave, ever. Which leads me to...
3) Don't like a completely shaved cootch. Not a fan. For starters, it makes me feel like a pedo, which I really just don't like on any level. Also, it takes almost zero time for that shit to turn into face-shredding sandpaper from hell, which incidentally I also don't like. Further, I find pubic hair to be erotic and sexy. Do I want to wade through the curly jungles of Borneo? No. Upkeep is a must, to be sure, but a simple trim/bikini-line maintenance routine is more than sufficient. Yes, I will lotion her thighs afterward, and yes, I will definitely reciprocate. It's only fair.
And I AM curious how strippers do it. Probably wax; it's easy to justify the suffering when you're counting up the bucks at the end of the night, or so I would imagine.
Interesting topic Katra my dear, never a dull moment ;)
OMW. I literally Laughed. Out. Loud. You're HILARIOUS! I absolutely love your voice. You're my blog hero.
This is the first time I read about this problem that affects so many of us, you're NOT alone. You took an otherwise embarrasing topic and turned it into an interesting and intertaining one. LOVE IT!
I give myself a low fade, clippers and all, no shaving for me. I learned the hard and painful way. lol
I can't wait to read the rest of your posts.
sorry for the typos, I'm laughing and typing. Correction: entertaining. :)
Oh my God. I think I LOVE you. I'm so sharing this all over the place. LOL. This is such a perfect list post!
Your images under the successful hair removal practices are not showing. :(
Will you be my best friend? Thanks. This. is. brilliant!!
ROFL! AWESOME and so true! Happy to have found you via #31DBBB. Will be sharing this one.
So. Damn. Funny. And best list post eveh!
ahhhhh, i love this. the first step? find a man who doesn't mind a little hair... than proceed. first time i tried this for my new (and now steady) man, he claimed, "well, it's a little creepy..."
and i was in love.
lol!! I was laughing at this post, because you took a topic that most would be too embarrassed to talk about.
I don't like shaving because it irritates me and had a really bad experience once. But I do like going to the Brazilian waxing place or keeping it trimmed low then shave the sides. That is as close to shaving as I will go.
Tonytar: Oh, definitely. Please send this to your ex-girlfriend. Let her know that she's not alone. Ease her crotchal sadness!
And I am so glad you brought up the pedo angle. I thought I'd leave that aspect of it alone and see if anyone else made mention of it. I am not saying that every dude/ lady who likes a shaved crotch is an in the closet pedo-- I think it's become so common, particularly in mainstream porn, that we've separated the relation between the two, but lets face it, that's where the shaved crotch originated from.
LOL @ the face-shredding sand paper from hell comment. So true. SO TRUE. The more the crotch is shaved, the faster it grows back and, well, turns into the sand paper from hell.
As for the strippers, I am theorizing that they do a waxing/ electrolysis combo (I hear electrolysis takes multiple sessions and is not 100%).
Lastly, I will definitely be using the term "cockal" in future blog posts.
Thanks for giving your man input! :)
Johanna: SO glad you loved the read and it made you laugh! :) HIGH-FIVES and a hearty cheer!
And I am in total support of your low fade with the clippers. That is my desired vulva do'. I think it's time to follow my inner desire, stick with the low fade clipping, and let all the men in the universe know that this is the way I come packaged, so take it or leave it. Then I'll whisper "bitches" at the end of my statement, and when they're like, "what did you say?", I will respond with, "huh? what? I didn't say anything."
Just so you know, I officially have you bookmarked :)
Lynda: Haha, thanks so much! Glad it made you giggle. I already had the draft of this post written and when I read that the challenge was a list post, all I thought was, score! This is perfect for my Cooch Shaving post. And yes, there is some glitch in my site that makes the images disappear in the individual post links. They will, however, show up on the main page. I am in the process of trying to work it out. Thanks for giving me the heads up anyway, though :)
Heather: Officially Best Friends Forever! SECRET HANDSHAKE.
Thanks, Lori and Alana. I uber appreciate it. :)
Emily: You know it, girly friend. Your steady man is an obvious keeper. Even worth making a sandwich for.
Lisa: Super happy you dug it. In regards to the embarrassment factor, before I posted this one of my girlfriends said, "just a reminder, your mother *will* be reading this." Also, you inspire me to try a Brazilian.
I don't feel that I'm exaggerating to say this is the best post about shaving down there ever.
In the history of the Internet.
There, I've said it.
HAHAHA! Your the next big thing obviously stories about the cooch are what sells.
I would like to say from a MisterSister point of view that I dont know if it has the same effect on women as men, but I HATE the stickiness that comes from shaved genital on genital action, its like velcro bits. It doesnt help that Im a "bear" and have a HUGE liking for hairy bits... I dont think any of your friends talked about this one though. SHAVING YOUR ASS!! Thats really important! Makes anal sooo much better! and for some reason seems to have less painful results when starting to grow back.. Ive been waxed a few times, and never again hurts like a mofo, but here in the city you can go to the local beauty school and get lazer for free from a student (being closely watched by a teacher) a lot of my tranny clients were going in and the work was great. Saved them the millions of dollars getting rid of man hairs that a woman shouldnt have. I had it done on my toes and it worked really well!
Oh man, this post made me blush. I am SUCH a prude. I have an unspoken agreement with my husband that I'll shave it when he shaves his. Needless to say, he's yet to shave.
Your post is quite extensive and hilarious! I'm in my 40's and I just can't understand all the down there adornment. I've always had to shave. My skin is very pale and my hair is very dark. Not a good combo. I don't know, I think you should keep a neat trim area but lets get realistic girls! I had my first wax about five years ago and it was more painful than both of the natural childbirths I endured! Why would you do that for you? Plus, isn't that hair there for a reason. Ya, know sort of protect and all. I don't know just saying...
So I know everyone else just said that they were your new best friend, but seriously- I think I should be. Fo' shizzle. I just wrote a post about scrotums and was a bit worried that everyone would be grossed out (which they may).
On another note- when I was living in a jungle with no male company on the horizon, I decided to let it all 'grow out'. I lasted about 1.5 months before I was so grossed out that I spent the next 2 hours in the bathroom shaving it all off. So yes, sometimes I do do it for me.... (and other times- not so much)
Will: Yes. Totally know what you're saying about the stickiness. And the Velcro. I will be completely candid-- I am rocking the Velcro right now. A chastity belt of Velcro. I will have to look into laser treatment. That would be really great for shaping the eyebrows, too. As for the hairy bummage, well, rest assured that if we ladies are going to go to lengthy measures to maintain the pork taco, the bummage will be taken care of, as well. :)
gnomeangel: I am all for the mutual agreements. ALL FOR THEM!
Colleeng: I completely agree with you. When you start balding it, trouble arises, like stickiness, velcro, and, well... pain. I am like you-- pale skin and dark hair. So, I will always shave to some degree. But like you pointed out, let's be realistic. LETS COME BACK DOWN TO REALITY.
Thanks for the comments, guys :)
Suz: I just commented the shit out of your blog. Can't wait to get best friend bracelets!
So you said I inspired you- That just led me to think, maybe that should be my elevator pitch (that i've yet to come up with). "SuzRocks: Inspiring girls all over the world to go natural"
hmmmm...something to think about.
Dude. LOVE IT.
My husband actually does a full shave every few weeks and I have never heard him complain about the grow back in. Now you have me curious I have to ask him.
I never shave it all off because I get nothing from it and I was never asked to. (well to be honest for each childbirth off it all goes) I do keep it low low .
Interesting post
hailing from sits girls thanks for visiting
Best. Post. Ever.
For reals, no one likes to talk about the cootch in polite company, but hey, it's a huge part of my life, yanno? If I could get laser treatment on that area, I so would - light skinned dark haired curly girl here, so I'm feeling the pain. However, I've only been able to afford lasers on a few areas - I'll be saving up for it. I can't stand waxing there - it hurts, no matter how many times someone tells me it doesn't, so I'm stuck with the four blade razor and some shave oil.
I don't shave the whole thing, because I don't have that kind of patience, but I am LOVING the low fade idea. And the next time someone tells me they shave it all off "for myself," I might punch them in the face, then credit you.
And have you seen the little bitty razors by Neutrogena? They are perfect for getting in the nooks and crannies, if you know what I mean.
Laser hair removal should not be looked at something that is just for women. There are many men who go through the process of having the hair on their body removed. The best thing about laser hair removal is that it lasts forever. You will no longer have to buy razors and shaving gel. Nor will you have to go to a salon over and over again, and go through the embarassment of having someone remove your hair. This will end up saving you a lot of money.I guarantee you that there are just as many men as women who have this done.
Brad Kent
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