An Early Birthday Present to Myself
May 22, 2010 Technology has come a long way over the years and continues to send us to amazing places that we never thought we would be.
I tend to be a bit slow at adopting new forms of technology, mostly because I am cheap and stubborn. I didn't get a cell phone until two years ago when I canceled my land line solely based on my hatred for Shaw. And I didn't learn how to send text messages until my twenty-fifth birthday when I sat in Winston's Pub in Saskatoon and D-Dub tried to give me a texting tutorial which lead to twenty-minutes of drunken button pushing until I got to the point where I became so disoriented that I asked my best friend, someone who, I might add, passed the LSAT and is now a lawyer, how to spell the word "eighth".
I wasn't buying ganja. I was referring to a street. So don't get all excited. We Canadians don't do those kind of things.
As I've hesitantly inched my way into the world of modern technology, I've also come to realize that technology really does make my life better. If not better, more efficient, and necessary in getting ahead in today's world. My net book alone has increased the amount I write by at least two-fold. And it's just a little piece of poo that barely functions half the time!
There is one area where I have been extremely slow at progressing into the twenty-first century and I currently reside at least ten years in the past, like one of those silly, almost twenty-seven year old women who still wears baggy camouflage pants and pyramid belts. Phhfftt.
While blog surfing I came across an ad for a Seattle based store I am familiar with thanks to Bitch magazine called Babeland. Within two minutes a product had called out to me so passionately that I decided to gift myself with an early birthday present and ordered it the next day.
This is where my Mom can stop reading.
Introducing The G-Ki:
The G-Ki can be used for both couple play and as a boyfriend substitute if you have a man who works out-of-town for three weeks a month with its easy, five speed controls, and velvety delicious, waterproof body. More importantly, the G-Ki has a firm, adjustable curve that can lock in any three of its offered positions. One-year manufacturer's warranty against breakage or defects!
The price was relatively steep for my G-Ki, which I have named George (pronounced with a Bostonian accent). George will take the place of my now outdated companion, RODney. But as Laura assured me, "it's a wise investment."
No, I won't be writing a follow up review about George. I need to at least get paid to write something like that. And not have a mother. Or a boyfriend. Although according to Bear, he told all the men at his work that I can **** a ******** through a ****** ****, so he'd almost, kind of deserve it.
Reader Comments (14)
I think you answered everyone's question at the end with your "no i will not be writing a follow up review" bit. I've had a gift certificate for a local sex shop in the city for nearly a year that a couple girlfriends gifted me prior to the ole' wedding. I have no idea for why I've yet to use it, but that little piece of technology looks quite fabulous indeed. congrats on the gift and happy early b-day.
I am wondering if this is related to the sport that tiger woods plays (the one he initally got paid for haha!) and something you use to water plants in the backyard. If so, welcome to the spouse club for those who's partners say awesome things about you!
<3
Never seen that before, it looks girly, yet alien. Where's the Canadian next top model cover girl commerical for that "toy"? Samantha Jones!!!
This may be a stellar product to put your gift certificate towards Trista. It does have THREE POSITIONS. Thanks for the b-day wishes!
I can only hope it's on-par with alien technology, Chandra. You know what they say about those aliens-- advanced! If my Mom inquires about it, I will tell her that it is indeed, a dual purpose miniature golf club (for cats?) and a watering can. Although she was a sex ed teacher, so not sure if she'll buy that.
And yeah, always enjoyable to hear some of the stuff that comes out of one's significant other's mouth in the "locker room". Not to say that us girls don't have our own locker room, but we're suave enough to shut the locker room door :)
OMG! You need to come to the Traveling Tickle Trunk with us! Sex toy shopping is sooo much fun!
Matt and I got this new one http://travelingtickletrunk.com/index.php?option=com_ezcatalog&task=detail&id=767&Itemid=5 WIRELESS!!!!! and it has like 8 different settings! Its AMAZING! we can be anywhere and Ill just hit the button and he almost drops to his knees! The power of the prostate is awesome! Girls, listen carefully! If you can convince your man to let you play with his bum get this! http://travelingtickletrunk.com/index.php?option=com_ezcatalog&task=detail&id=614&Itemid=5
After 5 min of having this bad boy in he is going to have better than Porno orgasms!
Its a regular in our household! Now Lojo, this is more something I think you could get into!
http://travelingtickletrunk.com/index.php?option=com_ezcatalog&task=detail&id=680&Itemid=5
This makes you the man! Double the pleasure and double the fun! Imagine you having your jean jacket on collar popped! WOW.. Im getting excited just thinking about it! We could hook up! ;)
Okay, Im done looking at sex toys now, I better get back to work :)
The alien comments made me laugh.
"Introducing the superb G-Ki, the culmination of decades of alien probing"
D-Dub: Mwuahahaha. Love it!
Will: Oh my god! Haha. Way to take it too far, brah! MY MOM READS THIS. And I am pretty sure you just made all the straight boy's arses pucker. I just hope that they'll still be able to poop after reading that.
Haha, I love how you perceive me as the type who would like to violate a man with a 9" dildo. As much as I love rockin' the jean jacket, stuffing a man really isn't a very sexy thought to me. Thank god my boyfriend doesn't read this!
Can it be used to make an Orgasm Bar?
Not sure. What's an orgasm bar??
OK now I think your mom SHOULD post, sex education teacher like come on girl you are holding out on us!!! I never knew that. So you must really know how to use a banana. It's like your own swiss army knife now. LOL. That just made my day!
Oh and I am guessing it was the golf ball and garden hose comment from the boy??
Chandra: Haha, yep. I am pretty sure that my Mom taught at least half of my high school peers how to put a condom on a banana. AWKWARD LAUGH.
And hahahaha, you're dead on!
Hun, 98% of all men try it anyways.. you just gotta get in on that! Your momma knows!
98% of men try what, bra? Weinus/ 9" dildos up the bum?
you leave that garden hose alone!
Respect.