A Birth Control Update: Recovering From Oral Contraceptives in the Bell Jar

The weather is gorgeous outside and the inside of my apartment is sick. Not sick as in, "dude, those are a sick pair of aviators," but sick like the boogers on the wall of the men's bathroom at work.

Being a Canadian, my body intrinsically thinks party! and vacation! when it's nice out. At minimum, time to get drunk and run through the sprinklers. But most of us have to continue with the bullshit of our daily lives-- bullshit meaning work a job-- despite the rarity of gorgeous, summer days.

The Pertards have started getting their summer sponge baths again and I have cut off Snort's mullet. She detested, but I assured her that practicality must come before fashion and that she could grow it back in the fall. I am waddling around in my new mini dress, stopping in front of the man-fan every so often to get a shot of cool air up my fanny. Then I grunt like a man. And scratch my balls. But it's really not as titillating as it sounds. Mostly because I have a layer of Proactive Refining Solution caked to my face.

It's my second month of being off of the oral contraceptive, Yasmin, (click here for back story from a previous post), and the state of my womanly matters are less than peachy. My first cycle off Yasmin was a success. I was five days late, but since it was my first time being pill free, moderate period dysfunction was expected. My skin immediately cleared up and I temporarily resumed my career as a super model until May rolled in and my skin broke out again. Hence the Proactive Refining Solution caked to my face.

There are things I miss about the pill, like the bouquet of cleavage it gave me, and the almost-painless periods that gently reminded me that I have a functioning uterus instead of the abrasive monthly gift that reminds me that ALL MEN MUST PAY. I also miss the convenience of knowing exactly when to expect my period. But at least I am not dead, or missing my gall bladder. Yet, anyway.

Click here to read about Alberta women joining the class action suit against Bayer (Yaz/Yasmin).

This month things have gone to shit, and by shit I mean that I am on day thirty-seven of my cycle (I am usually a twenty-eight day kind of woman) and I still haven't gotten my period. If it was normal for me to miss the odd flow, I'd be giving two thumbs up that I get the month off, but I haven't missed a period since. . . ever. And no, according to First Response, it's not that, so you can all resume a normal blood pressure rate.

In five days I will be twenty-seven years old. Like the disappointing men who have come in and out of the revolving door of my heart, nothing in my life has fallen into place. Mentally preparing myself for the possibility of an unexpected pregnancy, and then realizing, no, my fertility is just fucked from that stupid birth control pill that everyone is suing is something I don't need. And now I am wondering if I will have to spend the next year in complete disconnect from my body as I plow through the mind torture of late and/or missed periods. Read about other women's post-Yasmin period experiences (or lack there of) here.

And I wonder when the time comes that I am ready to plan a child if the damage will be done and I will be too late. I wonder if I will have to live with those consequences for the rest of my life. All I ever wanted was to do things right. Now I don't even know what right is. All I feel is loss.

And that, dear internet, is as much honesty as I will ever share with you.

Comments

[Elizabeth]

Maybe some symptoms are more true to Yaz than other BC pills but I definitely had some issues with unpredictable periods after going off the pill to have Andrew. I've always been super regular with periods too, 28 days with occasionally being a day late but very, very rarely. As I've said before, I was on BC pills for 12 years pre-pregnancy, but even before that I was regular. All this to say that while I've been fairly well 'on time' each month since 5 weeks post-pregnancy, it did seem that for the first few months it was fairly wonky. Never in my life had I had a period be a week late or more, and I had a few where they were almost 2 weeks late. In the last several months it's like clock-work and I am (no pun intended) spot on. (LOL) It's definitely a nuisance being late but while the worse cramps and symptoms like that don't seem to improve without going back on the pill, at least things do seem to become regular again over time. I would say that since you were regular before, your body WILL readjust and get back to normal, it might take a few months but it probably won't take as long as you think.

I completely understand your concerns, hang in there. At least you are off that brand now. Hopefully your body gets back to normal soon.

Take care (and happy early birthday!)

XO

[Lojo]

Thanks for the words, Liz! I sure hope I regain regularity soon. In retrospect, I know it's a bit premature to start panicking about such a thing, and I am sure things will mellow out with a little time. You're right-- at least I am off of that brand now, and that's step one back to normalcy.

Thanks for the birthday wishes :)

[Twitch]

God, I want off it so bad, but this doesn't make me want to do that either. Talk about a rock and a hard place.

[Lojo]

Are you on the Yasmin evil-drug?! I can't remember what you said you were on.