My Kids.
April 22, 2005 
The time has come when I must move on to the next phase of my life and leave my kids behind. Some formal words to ease my heartache....
Chubchub
I don't worry about you as much as I worry about Dudes. I know you are content simply eating, grooming, and subjecting people to the abrasive toxicity of your bad attitude. At one time we were as close as a girl and a cat could be until you developed that compulsive obsessive grooming habit and started to eat your own tail. Then came the daily baths. Then came the compulsive obsession with the daily baths. Now you are the cleanest cat in Canada and your tail is fluffier than any other part of your anatomy--which was obviously your goal all along.
I don't look forward to the days when I'll be missing you. I won't be there to say, "helloooo, bitch" when you waddle into the room. I won't be there to treat your lardy undercarriage like an entity all its own.
There are so many things I love about you, like your flaming ego or the way you pretend you don't poop. You're a true woman, Chubchub, and I love you for it.
Dudes
Little Dudes. Life is going to be quite different when I'm gone, but I have faith that you'll adjust and possibly even forget about me after a few weeks. You were never the brightest crayon in a pack of 64, but your jovial spirit and quirky, somewhat bizarre tendencies have won the hearts of many.
I want you to remember two things. First, you are NOT a dog, nor do you want to be. Second, always be proud of your breasts. You are the only cat I have ever known to actually have breasts and this is an accomplishment in itself.
I love the kazillion different ways you meow, including your insecure, "I'm lonely" meow and your barely audible cat-whine which you only use when you want someone to dote on you. I know you'll get bored when I'm not around to play with you, but try not to beat up Chubchub too much--she's unnaturally large and does not have the agility you do. If you ever get bored, go find a garbage can and dump it over. I know how much you like that.
I love you, little friends. I'll miss you terribly. <3 
Reader Comments (2)
Chub-Chub: I can remember first meeting you. Your curiosity was what let us connect and i could see the side of you that Lindsay loves. You are a complicated kitten. I think that you still liked me, but you wanted me to be intimidated by you. After you almost clawed out my eye, you achieved your objective. We bonded over time. Especially when I was administering your medication for that couple days. After that we both respected each other, and I knew to give you your space.
Dudes: You usually just walked away from me when you saw me, only to walk past me again when my attention wasn't directed towards you. Then when I went to pet your fur, you would walk away again. You're a tease. You liked to tease me. I always liked calling you Kirby. I also really liked to open the door for you, and YES, i did feel your pain when you wanted me to open the door for you but Russ would say "no."
I miss you 2 special cats a lot too.
Awww.
<3